Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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