the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
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We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
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I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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