i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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