Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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