...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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