I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
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Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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