I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
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you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
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Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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