hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
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Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
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I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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