you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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