just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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