There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Will you blow on my dice?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
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Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
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All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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