who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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