we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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