apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
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Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
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Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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