Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
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what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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