I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
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you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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