Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
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future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
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Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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