so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
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We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
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Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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