Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
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I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
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Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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