You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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