just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize