hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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