The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
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I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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