Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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