Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize