Your face is a jimmy john
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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