Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize