I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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