I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just pee around me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize