Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize