It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
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I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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