i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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