I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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