North Korea, Best Korea!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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