this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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