But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
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she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
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I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How does it feel to date your dad?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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