i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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