It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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