Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
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Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
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My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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