apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize