I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
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let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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