I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
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What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
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I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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