Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
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He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
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I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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