What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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