Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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