Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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