I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize