Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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