I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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