Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize